


12/03/2012

by macandchess



Series: gay songfic oneshots [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys Kissing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ennoshita Chikara Needs a Hug, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Disaster Ennoshita Chikara, He just wants love, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Inspired by Music, Kissing, Long-Suffering Ennoshita Chikara, M/M, Mentioned Shimizu Kiyoko, Misunderstandings, Songfic, Suicide Attempt, Tanaka Ryuunosuke Being an Idiot, Tanaka Ryuunosuke is a Good Friend, but a lovable idiot, conan gray - Freeform, heather - Freeform, poor boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:55:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25368736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/macandchess/pseuds/macandchess
Summary: "It seems like I'm the only one who can have a normal conversation with her. What's the big deal? It's not like she's perfect or something."OR:Ennoshita's pretty done with how Tanaka treats Kiyoko. He doesn't understand that he's actually feeling jealousy, and it soon affects him more than he normally would've let it.
Relationships: Ennoshita Chikara/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Shimizu Kiyoko & Tanaka Ryuunosuke
Series: gay songfic oneshots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1883710
Comments: 7
Kudos: 57





	12/03/2012

**Author's Note:**

> I swear I'm okay this song is just stuck in my head I'M NOT DEPRESSED I PROMISE
> 
> Ew the formatting  
> Oh well

_I still remember_

_Third of December_

I rubbed my arms fiercely, trying to get rid of the chill that plagued my body. Of all the days to forget my jacket, this had to be the worst one. I started to wonder if there would be snow, considering how thick the clouds seemed, when I heard a familiar voice calling my name. I turned and saw Tanaka Ryuunosuke running towards me, waving, his big dumb grin on his face.

"Hey, Chikara! Fancy meeting you here! Wanna continue walking to school together?" Upon my agreement, he slung his arm over my shoulders, then yelped. "Dude, you're _freezing!_ Why aren't you wearing a jacket?? _"_

I shrugged. "Guess I forgot mine. S'alright, though. I'll survive-" I would've said more, but he interrupted.

"No way, man. I'm not letting you get away with that! Here!"

And suddenly, there was a soft, warm fabric rubbing against my skin, being pulled over my head.

_Me in your sweater_

_You said it looked better_

_On me, than it did you_

"Does that feel better?"

My head popped out from the neck hole and instantly my eyes found his. He was close. _Really_ close. Close enough to make my heart pound suspiciously loud. He was still holding on to the sweater, the bottom of which now sat just above my hips. Blood warmed my face while his sweater warmed my arms, and I slowly nodded.

"Yeah, thanks. But... what about you?"

He waved his hand dismissively, letting go of the sweater to do so, much to my secret disappointment. "I've done this thousands of times before. Hell, I've been through plenty worse! But you look like you might catch a cold! Thanks for worrying, though! You're a great friend!"

"Sure."

"After all," he continued cheerfully, "it looks better on you than it does me!"

"But... this is the school-issued sweater. I have the same one." That made him laugh, and I soon found myself chuckling as well.

_Only if you knew_

_How much I liked you_

Things like that happened all the time: Tanaka would be nice, we would end up a bit closer than we probably should have been, my heart and body suffered greatly from the excess amounts of dopamine and norepinephrine that my brain produced in those fleeting moments, I tried not to show how infatuated I was with him, and then he'd brush everything off as "friendship."

I kinda hated it, but it wasn't like I could complain. 

The fact we could be friends at all was something I treasured often. I could get a headache thinking about all the different circumstances that had to happen in order for us to meet in the first place, and sometimes I found myself questioning what it might be like if even one of those moments had been different. I doubted he thought about those things too, but it was still fun to bring it up and watch him get confused.

_But I watch your eyes, as she_

_Walks by_

Of course, the depressing realization had to hit me like a truck every day:

Tanaka was in love with Shimizu Kiyoko.

Shimizu Kiyoko, as in, the gorgeous third-year and boys' volleyball team manager at Karasuno High. The girl everyone seemed to have a crush on. Except me, of course, which apparently was the reason I was the only one who could hold a normal conversation with her. Out of everyone, it was Tanaka and Nishinoya who seemed to have the biggest crushes on her. So when the ramblings of my own crush slowly faded away, I knew he had seen her.

Just my luck, of course.

_What a sight for_

_Sore eyes_

_Brighter than a_

_Blue sky_

Now, don't get me wrong: I fully agreed with everyone when they decided that her beauty was unmatched. But I personally believed they made too much of a big deal out of it. I mean, yes, she was beautiful, but in a delicate way. She could make subtle movements look sexy, especially when her hair fell just right and the light caught in such a way that made her eyes sparkle.

But obviously those who got caught up in such things never saw the way the muscles in Tanaka's legs bulged when he jumped, the fierce expression his handsome face held when he concentrated on spiking, the grin that split open when he successfully scored a point. The didn't realize how relaxing it was to rub his head–whether jokingly or comfortingly–, or to suddenly have his arm thrown around your shoulders, or even how wonderful it felt when you're falling and believe you're going to hit the ground, only for his warm hands to suddenly be supporting you, his strong arms pulling you back to your feet, the concerned look he gave you, which would turn into a smile after you assured him you were okay.

Or maybe that was just my own infatuation.

_She's got you_

_Mesmerized_

I sighed and snapped in front of his face. "Tanaka. Tanaka?" I groaned. _He's so lost in her...._ "Ryuunosuke!" I clapped my hands, fingers centimeters away from his eyes, and he finally flinched.

"Huh?"

"You were staring at Shimizu-senpai again."

"Oh!" He laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. "My bad! Sorry about that! What was I saying?"

_While I die_

I shrugged, and before I knew it, we were heading to class, the moment we'd had together lost.

_Why would you ever kiss me?_

_I'm not even half, as pretty_

_You gave her your sweater_

_It's just polyester, but you like her better_

_Wish I were Heather_

After class that day, I nearly died. Tanaka ran into me with enough force to knock me clean off my feet, except I didn't hit the ground, because he caught me and lifted me up, spinning in the air with me in his hands before setting me down and continuing to dance around with me. My heart went into overdrive and painted my cheeks red before I even had the chance to ask him what was happening. I put my hands on his shoulders to get his attention, and he finally slowed down and caught his breath, grinning like a maniac all the while.

"Tanaka?" I asked hesitantly. "What's going on?"

"I did it!" He panted, swallowed, then started again. "I asked her out! And she agreed!"

My heart dropped down to my stomach, but I forced a smile. "Sh-shimizu-senpai, huh? That's great, man! Have fun!" Tanaka nodded and bolted away, and I was for once grateful for his disappearance as tears sprung to my eyes.

I skipped practice that day, telling Daichi I didn't feel so good before heading home.

_Watch as she stands with_

_Her holding your hand_

The next few weeks were painfully lonely. I walked to school on my own now, though sometimes some of the other second-years joined me. Occasionally, I'd see him and Shimizu heading inside, hand-in-hand, but those days were few and far between.

_Put your arm 'round her shoulder_

_Now I'm getting colder_

I kept going to volleyball practice, though I barely spoke to Tanaka. I tried to convince myself that it was fine, that I was okay with the company of my other friends. It didn't help much. Every time I looked at him or Shimizu felt like another knife in my back.

_But how could I hate her?_

_She's such an angel_

_But then again, kinda_

_Wish she were dead, as she_

Sometimes, she would approach me and ask if I was okay. I always told her I was fine, of course. Why would I tell her that I was in love with her boyfriend?

I didn't like to feel the burning hatred that rose in my gut when I looked at her and Tanaka, but it often felt like I didn't have a choice. I would try to push it away, telling myself it was irrational, that I shouldn't be so upset at her for something that wasn't her fault, that wanting to kill someone over such a silly matter as love was ridiculous and childish, but the feelings never went away entirely.

_Walks by_

_What a sight for_

_Sore eyes_

_Brighter than a_

_Blue sky_

By the time our winter break rolled around, the feelings of hatred I'd felt for her had turned towards a different person. Now, whenever I looked at the couple, I felt numb. The numbness slowly took over until it was all I knew. The hatred that remained was focused on myself.

_She's got you_

_Mesmerized_

Tanaka caught up to me one day after school and threw his arm around my shoulder the way he always used to. As much as I wanted him to keep it there, I soon found my body shrugging him off. He seemed shocked for a moment, but quickly brushed it off, as was typical of him. 

"Hey, Chikara? You doin' okay, man?"

"I'm fine," I falsely informed him. "What do you want?"

"Well, we were gonna have a Christmas party on Christmas Eve and I wanted to invite you!" He revealed. I tried to ignore the thoughts of resentment that flowed through my mind when I looked at him.

"Why?"

He blinked. "Um, why not? You're our friend, you're on the team, and you mentioned before that your parents were both gonna be out of town for Christmas his time, so I though you'd be lonely!"

I'd forgotten that last fact myself, but I sighed anyway. "I'm not sure. Who's gonna be there?"

"The whole team!" He exclaimed. "And maybe the managers, too! And Coach and Sensei are invited too, but I'm not sure if they'll actually come...."

_While I die_

"Thanks," I muttered, speeding up. "But I just remember I had plans."

"Oh, okay..." Tanaka didn't even try to catch up, and I wasn't sure if I felt relieved or disappointed. But before I was completely out of earshot, he yelled on last thing. "I'll give you your present tomorrow, but promise you won't open it until the 25th, okay?"

_Why would you ever kiss me?_

_I'm not even half, as pretty_

The last day of school for the year came and went. Tanaka handed me a box wrapped in colorful paper, surprisingly without Shimizu-senpai by his side. I accepted it and set it by the four or five other presents I'd received once I got home.

_You gave her your sweater_

_It's just polyester, but you like her better_

_I wish I were Heather_

I sank onto the floor after a while of pacing around mindlessly. By now, Tanaka and the others were probably enjoying dinner or singing songs or opening gifts together. Or maybe he was caught under the mistletoe with Shimizu-senpai. That last thought made my fists clench and tears sting my eyes. If I had gone, would it have been me under the mistletoe with him instead? Did it matter? Would he have kissed me anyway?

_Wish I were Heather_

_Wish I were Heather_

I cried and cried, curled up on the floor for so long my legs started going numb. Why couldn't I have just told him before? Would rejection have hurt less than this? All I really wanted was Tanaka's love, but it belonged to Shimizu now.

_Why would you ever kiss me?_

When I finally stood up, I had reached a decision. I slowly dragged a chair from the table to below the light fixture in the living room.

_I'm not even half as pretty_

I found some strong-looking rope and started tieing it to the light, making sure they would hold my weight and not break.

_You gave her your sweater_

I stood on the chair and fitted the loop around my neck, securing it quickly. Just one step was all it would take. I closed my eyes.

_It's just polyester, but you like her better_

A ringing filled my ears as I got closer to the edge of the chair. I thought I heard a noise, but convinced myself it was just my imagination. No one was here. Who would come for me, anyway? 

_Wish I were_

A loud crash sounded, startling me enough to cause me to lose my balance. But right when my neck should have broken, strong arms and warm hands caught me and held me. The rope disappeared, and I felt all my strength leave through the tears that streamed down my face.

Tanaka was here. But why?

"Chikara," he mumbled, his voice gentle but stern. "Never scare me like that again."

I sniffed. "Sorry, I just thought maybe--"

"What, that I would care more if you were dead?" Tanaka retorted sharply. "We really need to talk, don't we?"

"There isn't much to talk about, is there?" In a sudden burst of courage, I decided to reveal everything. "I've been in love with you for a long time, but you're dating Shimizu. What would you have done?"

He sighed. "Chikara, I--"

"I don't wanna hear it," I interrupted. "I know you don't like me back, but I'm glad we can still be friends."

"No, that's not what I--"

"And sure, now that you know how I feel, it might be a bit awkward between us for a while, but I can deal with it if you are. I'll tell Shimizu too, so she doesn't think I'm--"

Tanaka shut me up by pressing his lips to mine. When he pulled away, he smiled slightly at my shocked expression.

"You thought things actually worked out between me and Kiyoko?"

"Wait, you mean they didn't?"

He sighed and set me on the couch, sitting next to me. "We went on a couple dates before confessing to each other that we'd realized we were each I'm love with other people. We had a good laugh, and I wished her luck with Hitoka while she wished me luck with... well, you." He stared at me then. "I never imagined you would feel so awfully about all this. I'm sorry for putting you through that. Maybe you should open my present now instead of later." With that, he picked up the boxfrom where it sat and passed it to me.

I slowly opened it with shaking hands. Inside the first box was a soft red scarf and another box, this one holding chocolates. I looked over at Tanaka. "Thank you...."

"Oh! I almost forgot! I think there's a card in there!"

I reached back into the box and, sure enough, my hands found an envelope. I opened it and read the card within, which not only described Tanaka's feelings for me, but also requested that I look at him. I did so, confused, only to find him already pulling me closer.

"Merry Christmas," he murmured, his lips brushing mine. "I would've saved this for tomorrow, when I was gonna make a surprise visit, but this works too." With that, he closed the distance between our mouths.

That was the best Christmas gift he ever could've given me, but I figured I'd tell him that later.

**Author's Note:**

> wow okay i wrote that. weird  
> Gosh the ending was probably a bit rushed but whatever ig  
> Feel free to scream at me in the comments or something lmao peace out


End file.
